open letter to investors who are scared of Portugal

Dear mister Investors

My name is Tolan and I’m very important people in my country.
Peoples in Portugal come from everywhere to ask me for my opinion on several subjects because I am very wise and they bring me oferends, like goats, cheese and cork to say many thanks.

Peoples came to me and they say “Tolan, please say something to those investors! They have to win wiseness! They are cuting financing and augmenting the rates of swear!”
I know that lately you seem to think that Portugal is broke and you think that we will not pay you the monies or use monopoly bills or cork or cheese. That is very offensive to us. I ask you to stop being racists and acting like greedy jews.

Portugal is nice. Has nice beach, nice sea, nice football and nice wine, wich is nice.
We have the biggest bridge in europe and biggest shopping mall in europe. We also have the biggest christmas tree and we have a lot of other items wich are the biggest (biggest port wine glass, biggest king cake, biggest human flag and so on). Jose Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo are portuguese and they have the monies and they are the biggests.

he did not steal the flag. he made biggest jump and he also has biggest thing

Still you doubt our hability to pay you monies. It is ridiculous. All you think about is money money money, you are like Uncle Little Paws, swiming in your strong boxes filled with gold.

I want to propose a deal. Do you want the Island of Madeira? You can have it for 75 thousand million euros, our short therm debt. We know you enjoy Madeira, it is great for pedophiles. It also comes with Casino, a Carnival, special fiscal beneficts, biggest fireworks every year and a funny local politician who smokes cigars and dances and acts like a funny pig.

We can also throw in a bottle of Port Wine and the sanctuary of Fatima as a show of good faith. Its great for good luck and protection from islamics, comunists, homossexuality and AIDS, wich we know are problems of great concern in your countries. It also cures people with deficiencies and terminal ilnesses, it is like a giant Power Balance bracelet.

this lady will pray for you 24 on 24 hours

This is our deal. Accept it. We are beginning to loose our pacience. We are brave! When Timor was in problems because of indonesia we helped them by putting white flags at our windows and holding hands on the streets and we scared the indonesians away! They ran like litle scared girls! We could do that again, don’t push us to that limit!