open letter to Moody

Dear Mr. Moody,

We tries. We really really tries here at our great country who ivented India and Brazil. We was not very happy with A- but still, it was A. But now we only got B in your speculative expectations class and our parents are going to kill us when they find out :(

Mr Father Christmas already told us that this Christmas we would only have half of our presents because we was not good people. It is really sad to recieve half of new iPad because it probably will not work. But now with B, Father Christmas will give us socks, not even iPad battery and included cables and instructions.

We feels this is very much unfair because this time we said we was going to try really very hard, study very much and grow very much and spend very less and pay the monies to the jews.

But it is like you read our mind. You knew that we would be garbage before we were garbage. This is much shock to us and it really changed the way we think of ourselfes and afected our self-estime. We need therapy now.

Yesterday we looks at mirror and see brave potuguese who invented square tactic to punch spanish toreros in the face and build greatest bridge in europe that we celebrated with the biggest beanary in the world and owned half the world and gave the other half to the spanish toreros because they were crying like babies.  Today we look at the mirror and we see garbage.

And not even recyclabe garbage, like the one in the yellow, blue or green containers. Just garbage, like spines of sardines and banana peals and leftovers of pizza.Now all the american raccoons will want to live here and we will have infestation!

But this will not last long! America has superpower of secret recipe of Coca-Cola. Germany has superpower of making german cars. French have superpower of making museums like Louvre that magically atract foreign valuable things. Italians have superpower of having a country called Italy. Spanish have the superpower of thinking they have superpower. But only we have superpower of desenrascanço!

This is such a superpower that it is impossible to translate to mortal foreing languages like english or american. We are able of thinking of many great ways of solving things when things neeed to be solved. If USA was governed by Portuguese, we would have captured mr Bin Laden in 1999 using bits of chouriço and a fishing net.

We are misunderstood geniouses, like Einstein. He also had B in "relativity theory" class but he left university and invented relativity theory and got AAA in it. And his parents were much happy and sorry that Father Christmas gave him socks the year before. His work created the atomic bomb that you used to downgrade the rating of Japan.

We are not afraids. We will study speculative expectations such much that we will have AAAAAAAAAAARGH FUCK YOU+++  in the end of the year!

Best regards
the portuguese peoples

open letter to investors who are scared of Portugal

Dear mister Investors

My name is Tolan and I’m very important people in my country.
Peoples in Portugal come from everywhere to ask me for my opinion on several subjects because I am very wise and they bring me oferends, like goats, cheese and cork to say many thanks.

Peoples came to me and they say “Tolan, please say something to those investors! They have to win wiseness! They are cuting financing and augmenting the rates of swear!”
I know that lately you seem to think that Portugal is broke and you think that we will not pay you the monies or use monopoly bills or cork or cheese. That is very offensive to us. I ask you to stop being racists and acting like greedy jews.

Portugal is nice. Has nice beach, nice sea, nice football and nice wine, wich is nice.
We have the biggest bridge in europe and biggest shopping mall in europe. We also have the biggest christmas tree and we have a lot of other items wich are the biggest (biggest port wine glass, biggest king cake, biggest human flag and so on). Jose Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo are portuguese and they have the monies and they are the biggests.

he did not steal the flag. he made biggest jump and he also has biggest thing

Still you doubt our hability to pay you monies. It is ridiculous. All you think about is money money money, you are like Uncle Little Paws, swiming in your strong boxes filled with gold.

I want to propose a deal. Do you want the Island of Madeira? You can have it for 75 thousand million euros, our short therm debt. We know you enjoy Madeira, it is great for pedophiles. It also comes with Casino, a Carnival, special fiscal beneficts, biggest fireworks every year and a funny local politician who smokes cigars and dances and acts like a funny pig.

We can also throw in a bottle of Port Wine and the sanctuary of Fatima as a show of good faith. Its great for good luck and protection from islamics, comunists, homossexuality and AIDS, wich we know are problems of great concern in your countries. It also cures people with deficiencies and terminal ilnesses, it is like a giant Power Balance bracelet.

this lady will pray for you 24 on 24 hours

This is our deal. Accept it. We are beginning to loose our pacience. We are brave! When Timor was in problems because of indonesia we helped them by putting white flags at our windows and holding hands on the streets and we scared the indonesians away! They ran like litle scared girls! We could do that again, don’t push us to that limit!